You sweat, I laugh.

The summer is finally setting in, and it is at this time of year that people notice that I do not perspire normally, rather I feed off the rays of this yellow sun like some lizard or Kryptonian.

I do sweat, just not at the same pitiful temperatures as the rest of your humans. The summer warmth has reminded me though that we spend a mere 4 or 5 months in this rare weather, the rest of the time we are treated to the bitter British cold, depressing grey skies and excessive electric and heating bills are we stave off the frosty lows.

Under normal circumstances, I would blame the government for this outrageously lopsided approach to the weather, along with the poor air quality, their obsession with turning any patch of grass into more houses and their endless promises to improve health care yet we still have to wait six months to go into hospital for a problems we have today.

This time though I shall blame it on Murphy and his enduring law; the law that states that "what can go wrong, will go wrong", and it seems to be very concentrated in this country.

Now you may think that I am being unnecessarily unfair towards these United Kingdoms, but during my several hundreds years of watch people come and go and times change, I always feel that this nation is, as Top Gear would say, "ambitious but rubbish".